This is what it sounds like at Snap Fitness in Bend, when I go in for my personal training sessions with Malibu Stacey:

@juliejulie: “So, you really have to weigh me today?”

Malibu Stacey: “Yes, we said every two weeks.”

@juliejulie: “But I had sort of a bad week. I didn’t exercise much and well, I sort of fell off the wagon on the food thing.”

Malibu Stacey: “Get on the scale.”

@juliejulie: “Oh look. Not so good.”

Malibu Stacey: “Huh. Why does this NOT surprise me? Let’s check your body fat.”

@juliejulie: “Why?”

Malibu Stacey: “Hold this thingy. Now.”

@juliejulie: “Fine.”

Malibu Stacey: “Wow. This doesn’t seem right…you’ve actually lost 3% of your body fat. Hmm…”

@juliejulie: “Really? I rock! I should stop running and eat junk every week!”

Malibu Stacey: “No. Last time we used the other thingy to measure, this time we have a new thingy. It must be the thingy.”

@juliejulie: “Killjoy.”

Malibu Stacey: “Fine. I’ll still give you a high five, or maybe a half of one. I don’t really trust this thingy. But, you know, good job.”

@juliejulie: “Are you going to eat the rest of that Calzone?”

Malibu Stacey: “Let’s go do some wall sits.”

@juliejulie: “I HATE wall sits, Stacey!”

Malibu Stacey: “I know.”