Now I just need a Harley!

Google offered to buy Groupon for $6B today, and Groupon said no. I think Google should buy me, since they obviously have some extra cash now. Here are the top five reasons Google should buy me:

  1. I can get my group on. I’m good at starting groups. I started Chubby Mommy Running Club in Eugene in October, and now we have 48 people already! Just think of all the groups I could start for Google. We could call them Google Groups. Oh, wait. You know what I mean…
  2. I’m good at talking people into doing things. Like yesterday, I talked the kids into doing all the chores because I told them my uterus hurts. They didn’t even argue with me. They just did it. You can’t argue with that kind of thing. This is why I’m so good at this stuff.
  3. I love to shop and tell people what I’m buying. In fact, just this week I live tweeted two amazing things I liked while I was shopping. If I had told people where to buy? There would have been a run on the stores, I’m sure.

    You should buy one of these. I want one!

    You should buy these! I want them!

  4. I’m thrifty. In fact, I’ve been wanting some hot-chick motorcyle boots for about 19 years, ever since I saw a guy I had a crush on wearing some when I lived in California. It turns out he was gay, which I realized when I met his boyfriend, who was wearing matching boots. My crush for him disappeared, but my longing for the boots did not. Today, I found some perfect ones at the 2nd hand store, for cheap! It was worth the wait.
  5. I’m funny. Right?