The FedEx man knocked on my door while I was in the bathtub. The dogs went nuts. I didn’t know who it was, but I hadn’t heard from my mom in several days, so I had a hunch it might be her, stopping by, like she does sometimes. I grabbed a towel, and went to the front door.
“Who is it?” I said, through the closed door, just on the off chance it wasn’t my mom.
“FedEx.” The dogs barked more. Pierre jumped up and down on his hind legs, like a circus dog.
My mom can’t even fake that kind of voice if she tried.
“Uh,” I said, I was dripping all over the rug, “I can’t open the door at the moment, do I have to sign, or can you leave it on the porch?”
“I’ll leave it on the porch,” he said, and I heard his footsteps walk away. This kind of thing probably happens to him all the time. There may be a whole section in the training manual even, with FedEx Guy rules about what to do if someone comes to the door in a towel:
- Make eye contact if you must, but do NOT look anywhere else.
- If the towel falls off, turn around and go back to the truck immediately. No signature required.
- Do NOT take pictures. Or video. Ever.
Anyway, I was quite excited about the FedEx package, because I figured it was my IronGirl wetsuit. They’re sponsoring me for their Triathlon in Portland, OR on June 26th. And they decided I needed a wet suit, which is cool, but a tiny bit embarrassing, in a way, since I’ll have to wear it in front of people. And I’m so shy, I won’t even let the FedEx Guy see me in a towel.
I quickly dried off and put some clothes on, just in case the FedEx guy decided not to follow the rules and was sitting in his truck with his cell phone camera on zoom, waiting to see if I’d open the door in my towel so he could make a viral video on YouTube and jump start his career as a TMZ reporter.
He wasn’t. Because he’s a decent, hardworking, professional guy who has better things to do then wait around to see if middle-aged moms with annoying dogs are opening doors in their towels.
And then, my dream came true: it WAS my IronGirl wetsuit! Yay for me!
Now I just have to get brave enough to try it on. And I don’t want any cameras around for that, thank you very much!
Here’s a funny “How NOT to put on an IronGirl wet suit” video for you, though, just because I’m nice. You’re welcome.