"Don't hate me. I'm cute."

Pierre the puppy is a Papillon. He’s not a butterfly, despite his big ears, he’s a dog. He’s not a baby, although he likes being held like one. He’s sweet and cute and smart and often very loud and annoying. So maybe he’s more like a toddler?

Sadie is a Weimaranar, just like those dogs on Sesame Street who play dress up and make videos. She’d rather not be an actress, though. Too many wardrobe changes wear her out these days. She is 14, which is old for a big dog.

She's an old lady now, in dog years.

Together these dogs are entertaining, but they bark too much and drive me a little nuts. We need a dog whisperer around here, somethin’ fierce. This is what happens whenever the mailman comes, or someone walks down the street, or I come home:

How.do.I.make.them.stop.this.nonsense? Please advise!